“I just want to be happy”. “I’ll be happy when…”
Many of us chase happiness as if it’s a permanent state of being that can be achieved. We tell ourselves that happiness is just on the other side of some milestone, like when we find the perfect career, buy our dream home, or get married, thinking these achievements are the key to finding and keeping happiness. Yet, when the newness of these circumstances wears off, we often find ourselves wondering “Why am I not happier?”. This approach leaves us constantly focusing on what may be missing in our lives, or the next goal that needs to be achieved to finally feel happy. While striving for growth and goals is meaningful, it can also keep us disconnected from the impactful moments that are a part of our lives right.
Happiness is elusive, confusing and complex. If you google the definition of happiness, you’ll find many. Happiness can be understood through two components: the positive feelings associated with happiness such as joy and pleasure and the satisfaction you feel in your overall life, which is connected to a sense of meaning and purpose.
So how can we be happy? Just like every other emotion, it is not possible to feel happiness permanently. A rich life includes experiencing a wide range of emotions, which can coexist. Happiness does not require getting rid of negative emotions or eliminating the things that bring us discomfort.
Research suggests that happiness emerges from engaging in activities that support our physical and emotional wellbeing. Specifically, happiness can be achieved by:
- Taking care of your body - prioritize sleep and exercise. Physical and emotional wellbeing are interconnected. Positive feelings are difficult to experience when we are not taking care of the bodies that experience them. Sleeping and exercise are the pillars of physical wellbeing that ultimately support the ability to feel happy.
- Spending time with the people you love - develop and nurture meaningful relationships. Humans are social beings - we need social connections to thrive. The longest study on happiness found that people who are more socially connected to their loved ones and their community are happier. The quality of these relationships matter more than the quantity. Spend time with people that uplift you and leave you feeling energized.
- Being grateful and mindful - pay attention to your life, and focus on what you’re grateful for. Gratitude and happiness can be found in the smallest things every day, often in the things we take for granted. A body that works, the sound of the birds chirping, the vibrancy of your neighbor’s roses, the first sip of your morning coffee, laughing about a joke with your friend, or getting into bed after a long day.
- Doing what matters to you - live a life that means something to you. What are your values? What is important to you? What kind of life do you want to live? These are big questions, and figuring the answers out for yourself also can have big rewards. There are so many ways to live by your values and do things that are important to you, whether that’s engaging in work that’s meaningful to you, pursuing hobbies that ignite your passion, getting involved in the community in a way that matters, or simply filtering one action a day through the lens of what is important to you. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away, but even taking one small step towards building a life authentic to yourself can enhance your life with purpose.
The funny thing about happiness is sometimes the harder that we chase it in the way we’ve been conditioned to, the more it escapes from our grasp. So maybe, the goal isn’t to chase happiness at all. Maybe the goal is to build a life that is authentic, connected, and meaningful to yourself, even as happiness comes and goes. By shifting our focus away from pursuing an emotional state to creating a life that is grounded in gratitude, mindfulness, connection, and our values, we may find that happiness is everywhere, if we choose to find it.
